*Actual post date: December 13th about 12:30 PM*
As many of you know, I have just finished with the most challenging semester of my whole life. I have never worked so hard or felt so inadequate at the same time...never. At first it was just 5 to 6 hours a day of studying and homework for one class, for math(for the first block)not that bad, but when I got into the second block, the average was 8 hours a day. And for the last month,(beginning the day after my concert), I was there at school studying math an average of 11.18 hours a day. For ONE class. Math. Math. Math. Math. Taught by one of the most intelligent men that I have ever been in the presence of, Professor Machiel van Frankenhuijsen. He is empirically a genius, really, like one of those people you read about in some European magazine (I was scared to death of him at first)...and he taught us all like we should be geniuses, too. My brain has never been so stretched, EVER, and that, is saying something. It actually got to the point where it felt more normal to be doing math than NOT to be doing math. If I had a minute free, I would think, "Isn't there some math I should be doing?", and most nights I literally dreamt in math... and with the end of the class being yesterday, ending with the final...I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I began to cry yesterday, seeing what the world looked like at 12:30 in the afternoon, I had in truth forgotten what things looked like at that time of day...and it scared me a little. I don't know how to navigate things anymore...or what to do with myself anymore. I walked aimlessly around the grocery store today, listening to "Rockin' around the Christmas Tree" by Peggy Lee blasting from the speakers up above and I tell you truly, I could not find the peanut butter. And I looked down every isle. Poo-poo to having it next to the bread and jam! I finally had to ask one of the store clerks where it was, she looked at me like I was an imbecile when I told her in all seriousness that I was unable to locate the peanut butter. Isle 4.
Bleh.
Things that I think I will do now:
*Paint my fingernails red
*Think about things
*Spend time with my Dad
*Watch Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Miracle on 34th Street
*Get a Christmas tree
*Clean my bathroom
*Sleep
*Walk around the mall aimlessly
*Stare at people
*Think about things
*Talk to myself
*Make the rest of my flashcards to memorize the flags of the world
*Get a peanut butter map
*Finish the "Twilight" series
*Maybe draw something
*Listen to things
*Blink more than normal
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1 comment:
Congrats on finishing your math class! I can totally relate to the feeling of being done with school, finally, and not knowing what to do with yourself. But you have an excellent list of possibilities. :) I hope that you have a fabulous Christmas break! and that you find the peanut butter ok next time.
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