Journal entry June 25th, 2009
The news of Michael Jackson passing today is...I don't even know how to describe it.
A few hours before I found out, I had been asked by two neighbors about when or what it was in my life that made me want to work for the UN as a Goodwill Ambassador to Africa. It is ironic because for the past month I have been asking myself the same question over and over again, since visiting the UN four weeks ago. I came up with the answer that it was about seven years ago. But I could not peg it to a specific event. Today jogged something in my memory though that gave me my real answer; the memory was of me, sitting on the carpeted floor of the t.v. room in our basement in our old house, watching the MTV video for "Man in the Mirror." That was the thing that did it. I was eleven years old, and I would sit in front of that video and hear that music and weep till I didn't think I could weep any longer. It was then that I knew, I knew that I had to do something about it, about Africa and about the suffering of the human race in general; to ease it somehow, to make it better somehow. That song and that video literally changed the course of my life.
A few hours after hearing the news (and countless news specials) my feelings drove me out of the house to walk passed that old house that we lived in when I was a kid...sitting on that carpet, as my life changed before me...I had to see it, to go and look in that basement window...I needed to share that space again. I wept uncontrollably as I approached it.
I think the thing that is happening to those of my generation, the UNBELIEVABLE grief that we are all experiencing is that...today, we are all remembering, for just a moment, what we USED to feel like, how inspired that we all USED to be...and most of all, we are feeling the way that it USED to feel...as kids. And for all of us, who are too-soon so world weary, it has made us remember that, hard as it is to believe- we were once children, too. And so, in a way, today, we are mourning a death of ourselves.
This has actually strengthened my resolve to keep going. I want to fulfill that dream that came to me...the one that surged through me at age eleven. Perhaps he inspired a dream in you, too? I pray that you will live it!
p.s. MTV will be playing Michael Jackson videos all night tonight...just like it used to be; about the music. I don't know if I will go to sleep...I'd rather stay awake and watch, and feel, just for tonight, the way that it used to be. And maybe, the answer to make my dream happen will come to me...as I watch Michael Jackson.